How I Spent My Evening...

I was invited to attend a fund raising event for the Care Center in Holyoke. The event was pretty spectacular. The (above) painting was done by a teen mom while participating in a class at the Care Center. Droves of people showed up to rally support, learn, and hear from the women who have benefited from this amazing program. Needless to say, there were many tears. The program was modeled after the most effective prep schools in the country (see description on their site), and from what I observed, has altered the mindset of these young woman from a place of fear and uncertainty to a place of strength and action. The walls of stigma that were attached to these young moms came crumbling down as they spoke and we, as our breath caught in our chests... we listened.

Some highlights of the program:

• more than80% of young moms who pass their GED are going to college!

• on-site day care

• transportation

• student support and counseling

• higher education

• job placement services

• theater, writing, artistic expression

• empowering young women and girls!

• exposing young women to the richness of knowledge and possibility

The part that really got me was when the Director spoke. She said (I'm paraphrasing here) without realizing it, this program has moved from one of educating to a process of learning to face fear, in whatever form it presents itself. She went on to say that this is what often prevents people from reaching their goals; stops them from growing. That really hit home. They are arming these girls with everything they need to make it. The success rate is unprecedented in how they are virtually stopping the cycle of inherited social patterns. I know plenty of people with unbelievable family support, coming from highly respected institutions of learning- we're talking the Uber privileged here- and they are completely ill equipped to manage obstacles.

Fear.

If you've never been taught how to navigate through (up, over & around) your fears, the learning curve is mighty steep (ah hem...I'm speaking from experience here). In fact, plenty of people just stop- give up, give in & never go for it. They are changing their lives, one obstacle at a time, and off they go!

This program is working not only for these young woman, but for future generations. I highly recommend making a donation today. There are plenty of worthy charitable causes, but how can you dismiss this kind of success? There is a real possibility of opportunity for everyone, but we all need to work together in order for that to happen. Please contribute to our future and change a life! Create possibilities!

Painting By Leslie Ozorco

its one of those days

and a certain time of the month that despite the beauty outside and the hope of changing jobs
i really want to lie in my bed and sleep with these to eat and a bottle of these while I cuddle under my clean sheets just off the line and watch Seinfeld reruns with a little Oprah mixed in

i could just sleep the day away with warm spring air coming in through the screen

alas! this is not in the cards for me i am buried under work i do not want to do and caring for children i do want to care for who would eat all the brownies, dirty the sheets and change the channel to Arthur or Angelina Ballerina while prying my tired eyelids open with true concern for this sleepy mama

so i drag my crampy lathargic ass to the kithcen and pour a huge jug of water to chase the B vitamins, fish oil, vitamin c and vitex as we head out for some play

My Sunday Drive....

This is one of the most beautiful rides in the Country. I was working (this is my last week and Sunday was the only day I could devote a whole day to this LONG trip) and my travels took me to some beautiful small towns in Western Colorado. Such as....

Ouray

Ridgeway

Last Dollar Road near Telluride

Norwood

Its hard to give up a Sunday with my Huz and kids. Especially in this amazing weather! It was good to have my camera and my quick soak at...

Orvis Hot Springs (p.s. I wore my bathing suit)

EBAY shopping??

Jeni is a courageous, valiant warrior.She is a mom to her two sons and an honest and sublime writer.Jeni has been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer.She has been asking and the living the question, “what would you do if you knew you only have one year to live?”You can read of Jeni’s story in her own words at: http://thecomfyplace.blogspot.com/Her friends have come together to raise money to help pay for Jeni’s treatment and care, as well as create a trust for her six year old son. All the times for auction have been generously donated by people who have heard of Jeni’s story and come together to offer what we have, in gratitude for this woman who has inspired and taught us with her own tender and passionate love of life.All money made from this auction will go directly to Jeni’s care and to her son.Thank-you for bidding.
Make sure to check out everything in our ebay store as there is a wonderful collection of items, gift certificates, art, and creations made with love.

Bloggers For Jeni Auction

Cultivating Gratitude...

Its my new mantra.

Everywhere I look, beauty. Everywhere I turn, strength.

In my son's stormy mood as he navigates this transition to Twelve... and that that when he says "I don't care!", he knows he has us to care when he doesn't.

In my Grandmother's shaky voice on the phone, facing old age and her transition too....and that she knows she has created love here that stays with all of us, especially her great-granddaughter who has her name.

In my husband's hard work and beer induced snore each Friday evening....that he is able to support us with his hard work and talent.

In the sprouts of the garden...and that I have not killed them yet.

In the trees gently greening and growing almost before my eyes...and the lilacs to come.

LOVE THURSDAY

Your the kindest person I know. Strong, large hands in your red dump truck, your Rhode Island Reds, newspapers, OTB, the smell of hay on a July Day and my Driver's Test.

World War II, the stories, your wife of sixty years. Giving with no expectation of receiving in return. Knowing that's not what giving is about. Your optimism has changed my life.

To Grandparents!!! How lucky am I?

Searching...

For some new goals after leaving my job next week. Today I felt so small, being saddled with numerous tasks by my boss. I feel I am being asked to do two weeks work in one. Then I must examine, where is my irritation coming from? Am I really being treated badly or am I creating something that is not there? Really its not important.
The children.
The pottery studio is calling me.
The garden.
Kundalini work.
Meditation.
Hiking.
Swimming at the river with the kids.
Microbrewed beer on a warm night.
A vacation with my husband.
Please, just send me grace to put my nose to the grindstone, accept what is being asked of me and finishing with grace.

Go Hillary, Go!

Hillary Clinton, Ex-ArithmecratEnough with the fake metrics.

By Timothy Noah
Posted Wednesday, April 23, 2008, at 3:29 PM ET Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton has every right to stay in the primary race for as long as she wishes. She would enjoy that right even if she hadn't won yesterday's Pennsylvania primary. The reason she enjoys that right is that Barack Obama is still 544 primary delegates shy of the 2,025 delegates he needs to nail down the Democratic nomination for president, according to the Associated Press' delegate tracker. (Please note: Estimates of pledged delegates vary, and even AP's count will fluctuate as better information becomes available.) Unpledged superdelegates, who are harder to keep track of and can change their affiliations at any time, narrow Obama's nomination deficit to somewhere in the neighborhood of 310 delegates. Clinton's nomination deficit is 694 primary delegates, according to the AP. If you count superdelegates, her nomination deficit narrows to around 436 delegates. Given there are only 11 primaries left, none of them in delegate-rich states, it is very unlikely that Clinton will acquire the necessary 2,025 delegates before Obama does. Still, it's an arithmetic possibility...

Oh fearless daughter

My snake chaser, my salamander lover, my worm digger
Today you marched into your new school full of confidence.
Kindergarden- ready for it all.
Fearless as the day you were one and got lost in the store, Daddy took you out of the cart even though I said its a BAD idea.
You left us behind and fearlessly explored.
You never look back.
You see the world with open eyes.
Returned to us in five minutes with no fear, just pride in your escape and exploration.
Satisfaction with your mini adventure.
And I love you for all you are. Unafraid, confident and ready to tackle life.
My little teacher.
My lovely.
Kitty

Basking In The Sunshine

It's Patriot's Day here, so David had the day off & decided to take Liam (Sherpa) on a date. They hiked around Puffer's Pond & found many, many snapping turtles sunning themselves on half submerged logs. Keegan & Daniel & I (and Beatrice, of course) checked on our tad poles out front in the little pond. We also happened upon the largest bullfrog I have ever seen! It was mammoth! Then back inside to crank out some school work before heading to whole foods for a kid's class. They made bracelets that turn color when you are exposed to direct UV rays. They also did some work in preparation for Earth Day & planted some seeds in a little pot to put on their window sill. Then, off to baseball practice where we all met up for a hike on Mill River.

The water was rushing. The bees were buzzing. Everything is coming up- blossoms, sprouts, & baby everything is in warp speed this Spring! It's amazing how quickly the transformation truly is! My favorite plant to watch is skunk cabbage. It pushes up through the soil in early spring, but only in the wetlands. It starts all purple & speckled, tightly curled and careful. Soon it begins to open, turn varying shades of green and sprout up tall, all ostentatious like.

Eventually it becomes this tall, expansive, bright green, flowing, spiraling beauty of a carpet for the forest floor! You can't miss it! I also love the ferns! There's nothing like watching them uncurl from a tight little ball as they spring up and open! Plus, fiddle head ferns, a little white wine, olive oil, garlic & a pinch of salt & cracked pepper- a real crowd pleaser! They tide me over while I wait for my all time favorite...asparagus!

To see our album of today, click here.

What a Weekend!

This weekend was jam-packed with fun in the sun! We are all exhausted & taking it slow today. We had temperatures here in the 70's & 80's the whole time! On Friday we spent the bulk of the day hiking around, ending with Little League practice in the evening and a dinner loaded with fresh veggies! Love spring!

Saturday, we rose early & headed North to a day of family games & fun at our old friends the O' Connors of Deerfield. It was gorgeous, loads of kids, water games, organic Hillside Pizza, butterflies and new & old friends everywhere.! Thanks Julie & family, what a wonderful time!

In the late afternoon we met up with our good friend Danny who was out road tripping from NY. We ventured to Daniel's first Little League scrimmage (!!) & walked Timber (Danny's dog) a bit by the winding Mill River and played some catch. We wish Danny & Timber lived closer!

Saturday evening I paid a visit to my lovely friend Amy.
I always manage to keep her up way too late! She is unbelievable with her hands- what a spider! If you want to feel humbled, just check out her blog. She is a force of nature! Seriously, an idea every second while she's starting 42 other projects & finishing 211! Amazing and beautiful. She gave me the most wonderful book, The Creative Family,
I am currently devouring it! I highly recommend! Great gal, great (& easy) ideas, great book.

By Sunday, we were feeling pretty tired but felt compelled to get back out there! We spent all yesterday at Old Sturbridge Village and it was amazing. Sturbridge is a living history museum about an hour East of us. Little Bea is showing off her new teeth here (picture)! Boy, she is something else! The highlight of the day for the boys was the running of the sheep at chow time & the wiggly water snake that almost got Keegan! I love the Tin Smith & Cooper, but my all time favorite is the farm house! On Sunday they were making soap! You can see our photo album by clicking here.

One day, that will be my life. I'll milk the goats, let the sheep out & collect eggs in the morning. Make goat cheese & goats milk soap, farm fresh quiche with fresh snipped herbs for lunch, tend the garden, spin the wool...ahhh. Amazing.

Multi-tasking

Another week gone by, I never even dressed today as I typed about 3 huge reports and drank coffee. Its cool today, cool and sunny. We have been running each day to a different obligation. It seems that the April Calendar always looks like this. Scott and Isaac will be away at a soccer tournament this weekend. So I am hoping that the girls will be agreeable to cleaning and folding and gardening in exchange for an ice cream dinner and a swim at the pool.

One of my favorite foster moms gave me flowers at our meeting Monday and a beautiful essay by Michael Crichton called Love Is... which was inspiring. These lilies on steroids fill the house with their perfume and have brightened this very busy week.

Tomorrow night is our date night, Scott and I take the Marriage Course each Friday during a candlelight dinner. The children go to childcare and are fed dinner, put into jammies and watch a movie. We enjoy it, it gets us to open up and talk about things that we must talk about and establighing good routines in our marraige. We need all the help we can get seeing that we both come from parents who divorced.

My inspirations for today:

Mission

I am on a mission to pack up some pottery to mail to this amazing auction in hopes of helping Jen at the Comfy Place. The Beyond the Map Blog will direct you on sending some items for the auction, even if you are unable to, maybe you would want to help, to bid on some items or make a donation for Jen's cause, her son.

Let the games begin...

No, I am not a traditional soccer mom. Instead of the 2008 Toyota Sienna, we drive a beat-up old van with 110,000 miles with bumper stickers. I am a little irritated with "Snacks" as if children really need a snack in the middle of a 40 minute game when they already have water?

I ask annoying questions about cost and how is the agency allowing all children to afford to play? I occasionally resent my days at soccer games because it means I will have no studio time, hiking time or clean laundry. But....moments like this past weekend when her older brother coached and cheered for her from the sidelines and her proud look when she scored and that he had seen it! This was perfect! And then they were back to irritating one another by nightfall.

Have Teeth Will Swallow...LEGOS!

We have 8 million beautiful hand made toys, tree blocks, lovely knit toys, felted wool people/animals- all picked for size, safety and craftsmanship...just for Beatrice. We have corralled all unauthorized toys into the boys room (too small, sharp, etc). That said, legos- the dreaded plastic, made in China, crap toy that is beloved by all children in my home (WHY??) made it's way into our common space and guess who found it?

So, how did I spend my Sunday, you ask?

Let's see, there was a bit of infant CPR
and then an unscheduled trip to see the doc,
followed by a visit to the local hospital for a quick scan of baby bea's digestive tract.
Oh, and throw in a little panic for good measure. And how was your weekend?

Josh, Jen & Baby Lakoda

This from Jen:

"Lakoda was born march 23 at 8:33pm. Weighing in at 11.37pounds, 22.5inches long!
We had the beautiful experience of laboring at home for a very very long time, then had a quick change
vision when we found that his head was positioned the wrong way and was trying to fit the largest part
of his 15inch head through my cervix. Our midwife Donna cried when she told us that we wouldn't be able to
have this baby at home. We had a quick change of mind set and headed to the hospital. Imagine me of all people
attached to a hospital bed waiting to be gutted! WOW! What an experience! "

*************************************************************************************


I met my dear friend Jen when I was a teenager. She was a sweet girl who spoke with the charm of a debutante combined with the savvy of a seasoned new yorker. She looked the part of a free wheelin' dead head (and she may have been...), but she was solid and grounded, always. A daughter, a dancer, a miner, a mentor, a traveler, a friend, a wife, and now a mother.

She is the most maternal person I have ever known, and now, after all this time, she gets to finally have her own child to raise! Congratulations Josh and Jen! Welcome to the world little babe! You are in good hands!

On The Day You Were Born

On the eve of your birth
word of your coming
passed from animal to animal.

The reindeer told the Arctic terns,
who told the humpback whales,
who told the pacific salmon,

who told the monarch butterflies,
who told the green turtles,
who told the European eel
who told the busy garden warblers,

and the marvelous news migrated worldwide.

While you waited in darkness,
tiny knees curled to chin,
the Earth and her creatures
with the Sun and the Moon
all moved in their places,
each ready to greet you
the very first moment
of the very first day you arrived.

On the day you were born
the round planet Earth turned toward
your morning sky,
whirling past darkness,
spinning the night into light.

And as they held you
close they whispered
in your open, curving ear,
" We are so glad you've come!"


By Debra Fraiser

Introducing Lakoda...All The Way From Texas!

This evening at sunset...

I live in paradise, what else can I say???

One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds.-Dan Bennett

We have started our gardening for the summer! The girls and I started some seedlings. Today, the Broccoli, Peas, lettuce, spinach all went into the ground. I am covering the plants at night with a plastic berry box. All in all though this dry climate is tough for me. A gamble for sure, but the just the process is a reward in itself.

The children's old sandbox is now a raised bed, since they did not play in it at all. We filled it with organic homemade compost, mushroom compost and organic garden soil. Its in the direct sun and close to our garden hose. Kitty has been hunting worms to place inside the soil. Any suggestions on easy things to grow????

Send em' to me!

The Studio Awaits...

But I have spent little time there. The week goes by and I have no idea of where it went. My sleep has been limited to about 5-6 hours per night, too little for me.

This is the season of our life, however...busy, exhausted and fulfilling. Forgetting things and losing things and getting two tickets for running the same stoplight in one month.

I hope for Sunday, to go throw some beautiful pottery and get some things glazed, while looking out the window and dreaming.

Wannabe Urban Housewife: Sunday#links

Wannabe Urban Housewife: Sunday#links

Finding love again...

I know a woman who lost her husband. Knowing them, knowing their amazingly close and adoring family I always felt incredibly loving energy from all of them. This couple did everything together and shared life with undeniable interdependence. They shared friends, month-long vacations and most interests for over 35 years.

On the winter day of his funeral, it was snowing and messy. It was grey, gloomy and cold. It was the day I lost my wedding rings in the snow and let them go. Remarkably, I felt certain they would return if meant to, that my real need was to somehow reconnect with my husband when we have such a short time to be together here on Earth. I let them go because my ring was a material and my friend lost her spouse. How could I be sad over a material thing? As I sat in the church listening to the music, the eulogies and the conversation I grieved for her. She was sad she could not walk or stop crying. I remember thinking that her grief was over the top at the time, but I also that she had it "right" somehow. What I am trying to communicate is that she just FELT IT and was REAL. I remember thinking that her outward expression of grief was a MAINLINE to Healing. I remember observing the love and tenderness that her adult children showed her. I remember the stories of how they changed people's lives by helping them. My last observation was her intense faith in God and I hoped to find that in myself.

That evening, my husband and I searched the snow that evening for my lost rings. We located that larger ring and I thanked her husband's spirit for looking over our search. You see, it was buried in the plowed snow. After that, when we arrived home and went to bed I held him close thinking about what it would be like to crawl into my bed alone after 35 years? I cried for her and scribbled out a paper talking to God....

It went something like this : "God give her peace, give her grace, give her relief and understanding. Give her the energy to persevere and keep up with life. Give her a united family and give her love." I burnt my memo to God with a candle.

My second ring was located in the spring by a boy skateboarding in the parking lot where I lost in on the day of her funeral. She had improved and become stronger. Her grief had healed her and it was certain that she would be okay.

Today, over a year later, she has met someone. My dear friend has found love and my rings rest upon my finger to remind me that love is forever, but our lives are not. Thanks for sending her love and partnership.

Woking Together...

This is a picture of my husband & my dad fixing a rickety drying rack together. They needed each other in order to get the job done. That said, it doesn't always play out in reality the way you imagine or even need. This picture, according to my life experience, stimulates a hurricane of emotions. I lived with my father for most of my youth. My mother had an aneurysm just before my 5th birthday. We (my mom & I) were living in Seattle at the time. So, from that point we moved to NY where I was cared for by my maternal grandparents until the summer of my 3rd grade year. From there I moved in with my father in good ol' Mohawk.

Now, homeschooling four children, I get a brand new life lesson on working together, as it seems, each moment. Karmically speaking, I must have some serious shit to work out. Why is it that sometimes I observe my children together and it's just magic. At that moment I feel like I could homeschool for the rest of my life (at this point, of course, I have mapped out 3 more babies!)! And then, in an instant, it all devolves.


And how.


So, how do I balance it all? I go back and forth between allowing them to have natural consequences to clamping down all Catholic nun like. The spectrum in between is astounding. I read , I ask friends, I go with my intuition...but nothing really ever works (clarification: on a regular basis). There is this continuum you see, where sometimes the madness seems to have a certain pattern. This is where I get all sucked into expectations. So, if whatever I'm doing seems to have a positive affect, following that logic, well, I try it again with relative certainty that it should yield a similar outcome. Right?

Fat chance!

So here I am again. I know I am supposed to be in the moment. Must, must be in the moment. But I just want a little continuity, a little rhythm. Is that seriously too much to ask? I work very well with reality. For example, give it to me straight & I will work with it. But what's straight and who can give it to me?

It seems like the older they are, the harder it is to expect (there's that word again) your children will follow a particular routine, when, in fact, shouldn't it be the other way around? It seems that the younger ones are more internally motivated than the older guys. What's that about? In addition to having no boundaries over how far and when they will argue (despite relentless modeling, family meetings & one on ones), they need to be reminded of their obligations almost constantly. Really? No one told me that the bulk of my job would be referee and chore minder!

This is such an energy sucker.

Here I am on a tirade and meanwhile Daniel is fixing lunch (for everyone), Keegan is quietly reading to Liam, and baby Bea is nursing sweetly in my arms. Do you ever have it all at once too? My cup runneth over...

Yours,
A crazy mother

I may be obsessed with trees

They are solid, gentle giants who somehow give me a sense of peace. I marveled on my Northeast trip to actually be in the company of some Sugar Maples. They stand strong and all knowing with no particular place they have to be except in this spot season after season. What a lesson it is to be in nature.

"Do I have to have babies?"

We have been talking lately, Kitty and I. She has been wondering when she will have to have a baby. I told her parenthood is optional, not a given but a choice. She was relieved with that answer and said she wasn't sure she wanted a hsuband either. Kitty told me she would prefer to be a kid for a very long time, go to Paris and someday perhaps have a baby. Gosh I hope my promise that parenthood is a choice will always be true for her.

April Folly...

I read Jen Lemon's http://jenlemen.com/blog/ assessment of what makes her foolish this April fool's day. She had a good list, I thought that I would join in the self-awareness with her.

I am foolish because:
1) I somehow (falsely)believe I can recreate the beauty of a day gone by, a relationship I had with people when I was a child or a particular experience rather than basking in the joy immediately right in front of my face in the present.
2) I somehow my half-assed work out at the Gym today is going to make me thin.
3) I purchased a pair of high heal shoes at a thrift store because they were brand new and very cute. However, I have not worn high heals since my prom and feel pretty certain I will break a bone or two wearing them (especially if I drink).
4) I never organize the piles.
5) I have papers for filing from 2005 the same year as Claire was born.
6) I think I really have some power over how my son does in school when the only real power I have is to be engaged and care deeply about what he loves and cares for.
7) I think travelling is going to be great and then after its all over I am joyful to be home again.
8) I drink too much coffee, eat too much sugar and go to bed too late.
9) I ordered a DVR, huge distraction.
10) I consistently overschedule our family because we want to do so many things.
11) I obsess over being on time.

The Teething Blues

This is how she appears to me most of the day, close up and right in mommy's face. She needs me right next to her so that I can understand her angst, her discomfort, the horror of it all. I hold her close while she pushes me away, pokes my eyes, howls & moans. She's like one of those laboring mothers that you hear about who curses and belittles her husband for getting her into this mess. I feel your pain, man.

So then I put her down where she proceeds to howl louder and crawl after me with a look of total abandonment. Can I do anything right? I'm thinking of investing in a helmet & some padding for the duration. So we go back and forth throughout the day (and night) of this picking up and putting down. The desperation and futility in her eyes...it's as if Sartre himself has appeared in my living room! But inevitably I feel the guilt that only mothers feel.

"Mommy, how could you, in my greatest hour of need...desert me?"

Sound familiar? Didn't Jesus ask something mighty similar of God? Yes, we're talking natural disaster here. Noah, get your ark. Poor Beatrice is teething!