Our wordle

curious...this thing called wordle...

LoveThursday- Love is.

Love is all around, when you open your eyes to receive it and open your heart to give it.
Love is a gift at the door.

Jammin'

Claire spent a little time listening to some Grateful Dead this afternoon. Lying on her friend and trying to sing along.

Michelle Obama Rocks

Well, I've licked my wounds of the Hillary loss and now FINALLY, I can say it, feel it and whole hog mean it:

I heart Obama!

It's all due to his incredible wife! She blew my doors off! Well, she and Kennedy! For all those that missed her, read/listen to this!
It's heating up!!!! Don't forget to VOTE come November!

Oh, and this is even better!

Michelle Obama Reflects on the Campaign and Convention: a sit down with Judy Woodruff!

Blog The Recession

Nothing much to say except, I left a job that did not reimburse me enough for my travel. I am wearing last years sandals (or was it 1996?) and my clothes are from the Methodist Thrift Store.
We camped for vacation, used all our flying miles and cooked at home all the time. My kids wore last year's backpacks to school and we qualified for reduced price lunch.

My bra is broken, my wine is cheap and I cried when I went to Target to purchase the $125.00 in school supplies (free public education is a myth in the Libertarian West).

We are happy, we are healthy and we are getting used to paying more for less. I do hope that people are learning lessons about saving from this recession.

Saving as in, not throwing away the heel of bread, reusing aluminum foil, reheating leftovers, carpooling, using last years backpack and unused school supplies in an effort to not waste what costs a significant amount of money. If anything, being less of a unconscious consumer of China crap and foreign oil could be a gift to many families. Lessons our grandparents shared in their own way, lessons we are learning now.

If you would like to "Blog the Recession", follow the link to the right hand of this post and you can read other bloggers take on this very real American experience.

On Birthdays, Family Life and the First Day of School.

On Wednesday, I attempted to celebrate my 34th birthday. I say attempted because I have struggled the last few years of accomplishing too little and feeling like my life is flying by. For me, my youth seems to be a distant memory and the acceptance of wrinkles cellulite and other physical breakdowns seems secondary from the idea that many things I have done "in my youth" are over now. Simply gone. For example, the passion and amazement of new love my husband and I felt-now gone and replaced by a deeper more profound connection that surpasses newness and infatuation. Another example, having babies, being a young mom and giving birth to new people- now gone. A final example, is my early career years, now passed by. Could I be heading to the phase of age discrimination? I was very emotional in the days heading up to the "event" of turning 34. Stressed by the many tasks to prepare for the first day of school, Kindergarten for my middle child and 7th grade for my oldest. Typically, these preparations do not cause me to shed tears but this year I felt conflicted.

The family woke up, earlier that they had since the first day of school last year and had a wonderful morning. The children were very focused on what they were wearing and eating breakfast. Scott and I walked them to school. It dawned on me that I must let time pass gracefully, enjoying each moment since that is really all of us ever have. I cannot stop 34 nor return to 21, a particularly sad point in my life anyway. Time passes...we must allow "little deaths" in the process of aging. Letting go so that some magic can take the place of that which has died.
The other issues is that my husband really does not understand the concept of celebrating birthdays, he is somewhat annoyed by my actions to celebrate the children's and his birthday. Each year, and more so as the years pass the celebration of my birthday becomes lamer and lamer. This year the children had no idea it was my birthday, my husband made me a massage appointment and then when I arrived at the spa, I had to pay for it. No cake, no gifts, no candles, no homemade cards, just irritation and lack of enthusiasm. I had a therapist year sago who told me to stop with my expectations and I would not be disappointed. These are the trust words available to me in most of my relationships. I am the person who cherishes birthdays. I remember so dearly the moments of my children's births and also grew up in a family that celebrates these things. Celebrating my husband and children's birthdays are a way to remind them that you are here, you are alive and look how your existence matters to us! You deserve to celebrate! In the end though, these are my feelings toward the celebration of birthdays. For my husband, there are only sad memories of a youth with a dead mother unable to make him a beautiful cake and a father so cruel and checked out he failed to remember his birthday. For my husband each day of our children's lives are a celebration and putting undue pressure on one day to be "a celebration" is bullshit. So, I had me amazing massage, meditated and spent time alone. Alone. When I became very quiet I could see more clearly that my self-pity, my desire for Scott to automatically change and my expectation that people do exactly what I need is arrogant. I am the only person who can make myself happy. This includes surrendering to marriage with its ups and downs and difficult turns. Surrendering to the purely wonderful innocence of my children's faces and the how nice it is to be with them when I let the tasks "GO" and live each moment with no projection to past hurts or future worries.

And then, miracles began to arrive. In the mail a letter from a good friend with a piece of her art work. A posting by Lisa on this blog. Phone calls & messages. Birthday cards, a handmade gift from my mother and a nature journal form my aunt. A good sister friend of mine stopped by with sunflowers and shared a gin and tonic on the front steps. Children ignited with excitement about the new school year who remembered at 4pm it was Mom's Birthday and said so sat around the dinner table sharing. Finally, for me, a slice of blackberry pie-

Next year I will remember to celebrate my own life. Perhaps I will throw my own party and pick peaches and make peach pie for the party, they seem to be plentiful this year. Perhaps I will go on a retreat. I will honor myself and not expect others to create that for me, no matter how much I know they care about me. My sisters, my dear women friends, my mother, my aunt knew intuitively to share with me. Next year, I will not crumble and grieve. I will share with them my joy for life and savor that day.

beach baby

My girl has her sea legs, so to speak. Incredible day of adventure & family fun yesterday. We're off to a leisurely late start of part II: End of Summer Extravaganza Weekend! I can't wait to share...

Love Thursday

The last days of summer creeping slowly by, the first day of school, my 34th birthday but the baby is still home with me and the sun shines on. It is 90 degrees today and to play is divine!

Happy Birthday Brigid!

Hope you have a wonderful day, my dear friend. I love you. Happy, happy birthday beautiful mother, gracious listener, strong partner, wellspring of inspiration to all. My great and glorious friend. You are missed and cherished. Have a great one.

Thinking of you...

Wild Blackberry Walnut Celebration Cake!!

Many weeks after my incredible husband received the BIG LETTER, we have finally celebrated! It was a bit of a rush (a surprise quicky before baseball--the CAKE, that is ; ), but a celebration none the less.

The big letter, as you may be wondering, was the much anticipated culmination of 2 LONG YEARS of grad school & internships (like 3o+ hrs a week along side classes & family life), 3 years post grad in a community therapy based clinic, 2 more children (Liam, now 4 & Bea, now 14 months) which makes 1-2-3-4 (!!!!), bigger vehicles to compensate for the larger brood, private school tuition & much volunteering, then homeschooling with the constant this that & the other thing (!!), coaching baseball, camping & fishing trips, family dinners, holidays, studying for the big exam and now passing said exam & so much more!

It's been a long road fueled by constant detours. You have stayed the course, adjusting whenever necessary, sleep deprivation be damned! I am so proud of you! You have worked so hard! You are my partner, my hero, my best friend, the best Dad, and the love of my life.

Not to mention...the cutest Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist I know!
Well, almost.

Licensed, that is ; o
Just waiting for the paperwork to land on someones desk & send us the actual license. It's just a matter of time, now that the education, 2 million hrs. of supervision, 42 grrillion client hours, and pesky test is out of the way! I love you! I can't wait for what's next...


NOTE: For the latest on our family (in photos), click here.
Also, I have been MIA lately b/c I have been experiencing tech. difficulty. Our computer is on the fritz & my laptop refuses to connect! Charter & I are on a first name basis these days...hope to be back soon!

Can I marry Sammy?

Bear: I am going to marry daddy when I grow up.
Mom: I am already married to daddy.
Bear: Then Ikey, I am marrying Ikey.
Mom: He's your brother, can't marry your brother.
Bear: Then I am gonna marry Sammy doodle.
Mom: He's a dog....
Bear: So, I will, I am going to put a ring on his paw.
Mom: OK

Love Thursday: Kindergarden Baby

I will be dressing her up, packing her bag and dropping her off at school next week. When discussing unconditional love, Kitty comes clearly to the forefront of my mind. Over the past five years I have been challenged by this fearless and exceptionally stubborn young lady. Kitty, whose intensity could be called a 10.8 on a scale of 1-10. At one, she would walk away from us and not look back. At two, she wrote on each wall in our home (once in permanent marker). At three, she explained that "she was the boss of her own life" and pretended to read. At four, she refused hair brushing or washing of any kind, dressed in crazy outfits each day and tortured the dog by dressing him in her dress clothes. At five, she is amazing and I have yelled myself mute while learning a lot about love. Loving her is admiration of all her beauty, intelligence and confidence while embracing all those things that drive me totally insane. In so many ways she is like me, but less damaged with the baggage of abuse, divorce or addiction. Loving Kitty unconditionally has in many ways allowed me love who I was as a child and continue to have a little bit of compassion for myself as a child. Perhaps she allows me to extricate myself from self hatred and guilt built up through the years by showing me what it is to need parents...to need love...to need acceptance. Little Kitty goes to Kindergarden and now she can really read, her hair will be brushed, her outfits will be crazy and she will march into that school without looking back.

Summer Fun...coming to an end too soon

Homecoming

He's taller, more confident and comfortable in his skin.
He's more a man than before and grateful for all he has.
He's climbed some mountains and stood at 14,000 feet.
He's dealt with pain.
He's put himself "out there", singing publicly and acting.
He danced with a girl.

I think he has learned a lot about himself, feels good about who he is and makes his own choices.
I see him standing taller and speaking more positively about life.
Most of all I am so happy to have him home.

Mindfulness

Is a crooked path of brief moments when the world is all black and white. Not in my body, lost in my head with thoughts of yesterday, tomorrow and make believe judgments of others or situations.
All the while the cloudy sunset, my daughter's smile and one deep breath beg of me to wake up and feel the moment.

Love Thursday

It's nearly midnight mountain time here, however I wanted to share a loving scene from our life on this Love Thursday. Little Care Bear eating the last of the rice pasta with baby zucchini, pesto & tomato. I think how often my love for them is poured into our meals and how much better they taste. Remember Like Water For Chocolate ?
All Food Tastes Better when prepared with love!

August

August, the month of my birthday always seems to be the dying down of summer. Its as if so much of the fun has been had that one just gets to sit and reap the rewards. The grass is green and the flowers are blooming, the garden is almost totally self sufficient and the crickets are noisy as can be. We ran, we traveled, we swam, we camped, we biked and hiked. Now, as August is upon us the summer just seems easy and relaxing. Afternoon siestas, good farmers market deals and while we drink wine the kids eat Popsicles in the front yard.